(text-style:"expand","tall","blink")[Wake Up] (after:5s)[You wake up from a long nap feeling groggy as hell... You vaguely remember dreaming about some kind of weird creature made of sand that crawled up into your mouth. Ack! You need something to drink! [[Look around the room]]]

You look around your nasty-ass bedroom. There's a half-eaten [[Meal Puck]] in the bed, empty cans of [[Cranny Cola]] all over the damn place... What else, what else... A framed picture of you and your cyborg cousin [[Hugo]] on the end table. A poster of your favorite actor, [[Insane Jackass]] from your favorite film [[Crazy Movie]]. Oh and a receipt from [[Buy n' Buy]] Stationstores on the floor. Then there's some rocks on the ground over in the corner. Closet door to your left and the door to the hallway behind you. How are you supposed to keep track of all this crap? What do you want to do, then? [[Open Hallway door]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Open Hallway door")'s length is >= 1)[[Open closet door]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Open Hallway door")'s length is >= 1)[[Grab that receipt]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Open Hallway door")'s length is >= 1)[[Look at rocks]]

Puck-shaped meals. [[Back->Look around the room]]

The best tasting cola around! "I'll love to have them!" [[Back->Look around the room]]

Your beefy cousin who fused with the [[machine]] to become a cyborg. [[Back->Look around the room]]

Large machine in the desert. [[Back->Look around the room]]

Famous actor. Typical Hollywood stud... [[Back->Look around the room]]

Huge grocery chain, now gas stations. Having a sale on Cranny Cola [[Back->Look around the room]]

Upon closer inspection, you notice something at the bottom of the receipt! ''Take a quick survey and receive a free Cranny Cola with your next purchase!'' [[Crumple up the receipt and toss it in the trash]] [[Take the survey]]

Pretty cool/interesting looking rocks. [[keep looking at them]]

There's a Small Man in here. [[Ask Small Man about his day]] [[Tickle Small Man]] [[Do Anything]]

You should do other stuff in your room first. [[Go back to your room->Look around the room]]

There's a hyperlink at the bottom of the receipt: [[www.buynbuysurvey.com->The Survey]]

Oh actually you need to do the survey to advance the plot... [[Take the survey]]

You actually enjoy looking at the rocks. [[Take the rocks]]

No need at this time. [[Look around the room]]

(text-style:"bold")[Small Man:] Thank you soooo much for asking about my day. You're too kind. No, really... [[Pry]] [[Do Anything]]

He isn't ticklish. You feel kind of awkward and just sort of back out of the closet. [[Go back to your room->Look around the room]]

(text-style:"bold")[Small Man:] Okay, well if you must know my day has been quite shite. I entered your bedroom because I thought I smelled the sweet scent of Cranny Cola only to find all of your cans were empty, much to my chagrin... Well then I heard the sound of a creature and bolted into the closet where I currently lay. Now if you'll excuse me I would very much like to continue laying here in peace! [[Do Anything]]

You are doing anything at this time. [[Look around the room]]

Thank you for taking our quick survey! We love to hear from you! Please rate your last visit to Buy n' Buy Stationstores: [[Very Unsatisfied]] [[Somewhat Unsatisfied]] [[Unsure/Other]] [[Somewhat Satisfied]] [[Very Satisfied]]

Oh haha. I think you clicked the wrong one by accident. [[Try again->The Survey]]

I don't think you really mean that. [[Try again->The Survey]]

Figure it out. [[Try again->The Survey]]

You seem more satisfied than that... [[Try again->The Survey]]

Thank you! [[Next Question]]

How likely are you to recommend Buy n' Buy Stationstores to a friend or cousin? [[Very Unlikely]] [[Somewhat Unlikely]] [[Neither Unlikely Nor Likely]] [[Somewhat Likely]] [[Very Likely]]

You bitch. [[Try again->Next Question]]

Somewhat Unlikable more like.... [[Try again->Next Question]]

Pick one. [[Try again->Next Question]]

A real answer please. [[Try again->Next Question]]

Thank you! [[Final Question]]

What was the last dream you remember having? * [[I Don't Remember My Last Dream]] * [[I Was Smacking Lips With God]] * [[I Somehow Had The Ability to Fly But at the Same Time I Couldn't Fly it Was More Like I Was Swimming in the Air But Only a Few Inches From the Ground]] * [[A Sand Creature Climbed Into My Mouth]] * [[Hugo Was Chasing Me With a Giant Rod]]

You're lying. [[Let's try that one more time...->Final Question]]

Keep dreaming pal... [[Let's try that one more time...->Final Question]]

That wasn't a dream. You have that ability! [[Let's try that one more time...->Final Question]]

That must have made you very thirsty! Here, redeem this code at one of our locations for a free Cranny Cola! ''GOODCRAN'' [[Go to Hallway]]

Uh huh. And is Hugo in the room with us right now? [[Let's try that one more time...->Final Question]]

Okay so basically you need to get to a Buy n' Buy Stationstore to redeem your code for a free Cranny Cola. That's like the plot of the story now that you're out of your room. Just try to enjoy the adventure. But remember your mouth is incredibly dry because of the sand creature from your dream... Before you leave you should see if Hugo wants anything from the store. Alright so you're in the hallway. Ahead of you is a door to the basement. Then there's a door to your left, that's Hugo's room and to the right is the kitchen. I'm not going to sit here and describe the whole house. Where to, then? [[Basement]] [[Hugo's Room]] [[Kitchen]]

Welcome to the basement! To your immediate left is your pulsating pile of putrid ooze. Straight ahead is the Man Made of Mold who speaks in hushed reverberations. To your right is a vent too small for you to squeeze your body into. (if:(history: where its name contains "Hugo's Room")'s length >= 1)[(text-style:"smear","sway")[Then again, you can hear Bruce Springsteen through that vent! I'm sure your little body could squeeze right in there!]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Hugo's Room")'s length >= 1)[[Squeeze into vent]] Check out the [[ooze]] Speak to the [[Man Made of Mold]] [[Hallway]]

Hugo's room. There's a sign on the door that says: KEEP OUT You can hear the big metal oaf listening to Bruce Springsteen. Do what, then? [[knock at the door]] Go back to the [[Hallway]]

The Kitchen Just a regular old kitchen... There's a fridge in the corner and a microwave on the floor and that's about it... Oh and a strange man lurking... [[fridge]] [[microwave]] [[Talk to the Strange Man]] [[Hallway]]

Madman drummers bummers and Indians in the summer... There was no answer from your cousin. [[Hallway]]

The Hallway [[Basement]] [[Hugo's Room]] [[Kitchen]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Garage")'s length >= 1)[[Garage]]

Hmm let's see... There's just some gunk in here. [[Take the gunk?]] [[Kitchen]]

What do you want to do with the microwave? [[Look at]] [[open it]] [[Kitchen]]

The Strange Man just stares at you without blinking for what feels like hours... Then he struts on down to the basement like it ain't no thang. [[Kitchen]]

That's where you left the keys to the hovercraft! [[Take the keys?]] [[Kitchen]]

Yeah, it's a microwave on the floor... [[Kitchen]]

The ooze pulsates rythmically... [[stick your hand in it]] [[Basement]]

(text-style:"blurrier","shudder")[uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh] [[Basement]]

As fate would have it, your small body fit perfectly into the vent and you're able to wriggle yourself through with relative ease! Which way, western cran? [[Left]] [[Right]]

You feel around in the ooze for quite sometime. There doesn't seem to be anything in there. [[Keep feeling around for a while]] [[Basement]]

Hmm yeah, I'm pretty sure there's nothing in there dude. Let's go do something else maybe...? [[Continue feeling around in the pulsating ooze]] [[Basement]]

The ooze begins to envelope you and you become one with it. [[Game Over]]

(text-style:"smear","expand","tall","rumble")[Game Over] You became ooze. [[Oh, look at that. You have infinite lives.....->Basement]]

You hang a left and continue to wriggle your small body through the vents. [[Left]] [[Right]] (if:visits >= 4)[[Straight]]

You turn right and continue to wriggle your small body through the vents. [[Left]] [[Right]] (if:visits >= 4)[[Straight]]

You continue to wriggle your small body through the vents. [[Left]] [[Right]] (if:visits >= 4)[[Above Hugo's Room]]

You're in the vent right above Hugo's room. You peer into his room. The place is pristine! What does that big metal lug do all dang day, clean his room like a chum? Yes. Hugo is on his laptop computer downloading an update for his bazooka arm. The Bruce Springsteen and his E Street Band music is too loud. There's no way he'll hear you from up here. Maybe if you had something to huck at him? (if:(history: where its name contains "Take the gunk?")'s length >= 1)[[Throw the gunk from the fridge at your cyborg cousin Hugo]] [[Basement]]

You put the gunk in your pocket. [[Kitchen]]

You put the keys in your mouth for safe keeping. [[Kitchen]]

It's a good thing you grabbed that gunk from the fridge earlier and shoved it into your pocket. You should probably horde as much shit as possible from now on. You take the gunk and huck it at Hugo's head. A direct hit! Oh crud, you knocked him out cold! Well, maybe just get him a Cranny Cola anyway. Alright, let's get out of the vents. [[Left->Left Vent]] [[Right->Right Vent]]

You turn left and end up right above the [[Garage->The Garage]]

You turn right and end up right above the [[Empty Room]]

Alright the garage! Are we finally going to get out of this joint? This place is starting to cramp your style. You gotta get some fresh air and stretch them legs! Go ahead and [[Climb out of the vents->Garage]]

The room is completely empty. This is where you go to just sit and think sometimes. [[Go Back->Throw the gunk from the fridge at your cyborg cousin Hugo]] [[Sit and think]]

You start thinking about all the amazing wonders of the wide world... The blue ocean The blue sky The blue feelings you get sometimes out of the blue [[You start drifting off to sleep]]

Suddenly you're adrift at sea... Not a single other soul for hundreds of miles... Just the sweet sounds of the ocean air. You could get used to this... But then you hear a voice like an angel come to call. Who could that be? You start paddling your little hands in the water to get a closer look. [[Continue...]]

Could it be? It is! A rocky shore and two beautiful fish-tailed maidens await you! [[Go to shore]]

You go to shore to greet the beautiful fish women. "Hello ladies" you suavely shout. "Hello" They say in unison like a couple of freaks. But you kind of like it. Well, what do you do now? [[Kiss them]] [[Pinch myself I must be dreaming!]]

You lock lips with the salty sea seductresses... mm mm!! Oh yeah!!!!! It's hotter than hell. Suddenly they tell you you're amazing and awesome, funny, cool, interesting, smart, nice, lovely. Well, this was awesome. [[Wake up]]

You pinch yourself harder than hell. Ow ow ow!!!!! The mermaids look confused. They start to think you might be some kind of psychotic freakazoid. They swim away leaving you there cold and alone. [[Wake up]]

Crap you fell asleep again. You think a spider might have crawled up your nostril. Oh well, maybe you'll need it later. [[Go back->Throw the gunk from the fridge at your cyborg cousin Hugo]]

Ahh the garage. There aren't many places like it! A garage is where a man goes to "get away from it all." He's got his hovercraft. He's got his tools. He's got his pile of gadgets and gizmos. Yep. This is the dream... Do what, then? (if:(history: where its name contains "Take the keys?")'s length >= 1)[[Start the hovercraft]] [[Grab Tools]] [[Check out the gadgets and gizmos]] [[Go inside->Hallway]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Front Lawn")'s length >= 1)[[Front Lawn->The Front Lawn]]

You take the keys out of your mouth and put them in the ignition. Next stop: Buy n' Buy! [[Check Rear-View Mirror]]

Tools are usually useful, right? Grab what then? [[Fast Screwdriver]] [[Blade]] [[Cranagotchi]] [[Garage]]

Let's see... It looks like you have some Rocket Boots and a little Rusted Gadget. Oh! And a Priceless Gem. Grab hmm? [[Rocket Boots]] [[Rusted Gadget]] [[Priceless Gem]] [[Garage]]

Hugo must have been using the hovercraft last. The mirror is set way too high. It's a good thing you checked! [[tilt mirror up]] [[tilt mirror down]]

Dumbass. [[tilt mirror down]]

You gently maneuver the rear view mirror so that you can see directly out of the middle of your back windshield without moving your head. The goal is to be able to quickly glance from the road in front of you to the road behind you without having to move or turn your body. [[adjust left side mirror]] [[adjust right side mirror]]

You make adjustments then sit back in the drivers seat to ensure that you can see the road behind you and a small sliver of the side of your hovercraft. [[adjust right side mirror]] (if:(history: where its name contains "adjust right side mirror")'s length >= 1)[[Buckle up!]]

You make adjustments then sit back in the drivers seat to ensure that you can see the road behind you and a small sliver of the side of your hovercraft. [[adjust left side mirror]] (if:(history: where its name contains "adjust left side mirror")'s length >= 1)[[Buckle up!]]

Safety first! [[Apply pressure to the brake pedal]]

[[Drive]] [[Neutral]] [[Reverse]] [[Park]]

Alright. Now that the hovercraft is set to drive, we can go to the store! [[Take foot off brake and accelerate]]

So you're just going to sit here then. [[Switch gears->Apply pressure to the brake pedal]]

If you go in reverse you're going to crash into something. [[Switch gears->Apply pressure to the brake pedal]]

You're already in park. [[Switch gears->Apply pressure to the brake pedal]]

(text-style:"outline","expand","tall","rumble")[Oh shit!] You forgot to put the garage door up! The whole thing comes crashing down on the hovercraft, completely destroying the vehicle. It looks like you'll be walking to the store afterall. You and Hugo can fix that old bucket of bolts when you get back from the store with 2 ice cold Cranny Colas. [[Front Lawn]]

Front Lawn Facing away from the house, then: To the left is the Neighbor's House. To the right is an empty Field. Buy n' Buy is around the block so you could go either way, eh wot? Some things to keep in mind as you venture out into the world: Each choice you make will affect your "popularity score" amongst different groups of locals. There's the Creepy Boys, they're a bit rough around the edges and like to go around sniffing car doors and shit. Then there's the Saintly Bunch... I'm just kidding around. You just need to get cola from the store, come on... Where to now? (text-style:"underline") [Note: There's no coming back here until you've got that sweet cola in your clutches. Better make sure you grabbed everything you need from the garage before setting out] [[Garage]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Blade")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Fast Screwdriver")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rusted Gadget")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Grab the gem")'s length >= 1)[[Neighbor's House]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Blade")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Fast Screwdriver")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rusted Gadget")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Grab the gem")'s length >= 1)[[Field]]

It's 10% faster than a regular screwdriver. You shove it in your pocket. [[Back->Grab Tools]]

You could maim someone with this! You stick it in your pocket. [[Back->Grab Tools]]

That's where that's been! Your Cranagotchi is dead. Do what? [[Play with]] [[Feed]] [[Go back->Grab Tools]]

It's dead. [[Go Back->Grab Tools]]

It's dead. [[Go back->Grab Tools]]

These could really come in handy! You might need to use them to barter with one of the locals or something like that. You put the boots in your pocket. [[Go back->Check out the gadgets and gizmos]]

Rusty old thang. You can't really remember what it was supposed to do but it has a ton of buttons and switches. Probably just leave that crap here. [[Go back->Check out the gadgets and gizmos]]

It shimmers in the midday sun. Merely gazing at its beauty is enough to drive a person batty... You found this somewhere back near the pond behind of the house one wet afternoon all those years ago. [[Do you remember?]]

Back in the days when just slumping by a log and dipping your toes in the water was enough. Not a damn care in the world. You were just whistling a tune and gazing up at the sky so vast. Then came a rustling from the brush not 15 feet from where you lay. Hugo maybe? Nah you would know if it was Hugo. That big metal dork. Well, that's when you caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of your eye... A hobgoblin. Or was it a gobhoblin? Yeah, impossible to know now. It seemed like the critter was searching for something. You hid behind that old log you'd been leanin' against and kept your eyes peeled as potatoes. As the creature lifted his left leg, you noticed something sparkle on the ground. A purple beam of light in a sea of ugly brown. "Well, I'll be," you thought "that looks like a priceless gem!" Just then your little foot crunched some leaves and the hogloblin shot a wicked glance your way. Shit! So you made haste back to your house. You spent the rest of the night looking out your back window at the purple glow. In the morning, it would be yours. And the rest is history... [[Grab the gem]]

Keep it secret and safe I'll always say... [[Back->Check out the gadgets and gizmos]]

Neighbor's House You turn left and walk past your neighbor's house. Your neighbor is standing on his front step, he was already waving before he even saw you. [[wave back]] [[keep walking]]

Field You turn right and walk into an empty field. It's quietness fills you with a deep warmth. Suddenly you feel so far away from all the hustle and bustle. You could get used to this. You take a seat on the cool earth below of your feet. It's as though time outside of the field stands still and all you're left with is the soft breeze. In fact, you check your watch and... it is standing still! Actually nevermind, I think your watch is just busted. Crap, now all you can think about is how your watch is busted. When the hell did that happen? Maybe you could try fixing it. Anything useful in your pockets? (if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)[ [[Rocket Boots->Rocket Boots2]]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Rusted Gadget")'s length >= 1)[ [[Rusted Gadget->Rusted Gadget2]]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Grab the gem")'s length >= 1)[ [[Priceless Gem->Priceless Gem2]]] (more:)[ [[Nope]]]

Front Lawn (text-style:"underline")[Note: Better make sure you grabbed everything you need from the garage before setting out] [[Garage]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Blade")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Fast Screwdriver")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rusted Gadget")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Grab the gem")'s length >= 1)[[Neighbor's House]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Blade")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Fast Screwdriver")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Rusted Gadget")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "Grab the gem")'s length >= 1)[[Field]]

You give your neighbor a friendly wave. He stops waving and darts into his house. 2 seconds later he comes out wielding a rifle! [[fight]] [[run]]

You just keep walking past your neighbor. Probably nothing interesting would have happened if you had waved back anyway! [[True...]] [[Go back and find out->Neighbor's House]]

(text-style:"shadow","expand","tall")[Cranny Quest: In Search of Cola] Welcome to Cranny Quest! You are Cranny Boy. A valiant and noble boy whomst upon awakening discovers an incredible thirst... And there's no Cranny Cola. Embark on a thrilling adventure in search of the One Cola to Rule All of Them. [[1 Player]] [[2 Players]] [[Settings]] [[Credits]] (text-style:"subscript","flat")[Cranny Quest is a registered trademark of Moon Planet Entertainment] (text-style:"smear","buoy")[MOON PLANET ENTERTAINMENT]

(text-style:"outline")[Please insert crantroller into crantroller port 2 to continue] [[Back->Untitled Passage 1]]

Difficulty: [[Diet Cran]] [[Classic Cranny]] [[Cranny XXX-treme]] [[Any]] --- [[Adjust Screen Brightness]]

This difficulty setting is for wimps and people who suck at video games... sooo you're sure you want to play this one then? [[Yes I am a wimp...->Dietmode]] [[Nevermind, I'll play Classic Mode->Classic Cranny]]

This is the classic difficulty level. Not too easy and not too hard! [[Let's Play!->Untitled Passage 1]]

You need a grown up's permission to play this difficulty setting. [[Permission Slip]] [[Classic Cranny]]

Slide the cursor until the image is barely visible on your screen: __________________________________________________ ^ [[Let's Play!->Untitled Passage 1]]

I'm Cranny Boy. I wrote everything and put it all together thank you. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Tfyolb2FdlnVaGD-Qv3VkV2kDr4BhVOt2V1PYQSGyRigNMfx8MLKe3jNvcdf3yD7RfWL3TcmR8WTm-Q3a5gvwiP7lbJe5LSPRTqfk0WM-V9ym2gyZB0vTYcbqOUkuGClKa32gHMOtQ=w600-h315-p-k" /> [[Back->Untitled Passage 1]]

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Your neighbor starts firing off rounds of ammunition towards your face and body. You dart away and leap behind of a car. He kind of forgets what he was doing and stops shooting. [[street]]

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: +++++ Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! (text-style:"italic")[Cranny dodges the attack!] [[Attack]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]] =|= Neighbor: +++++

What will you do? |text>[ [[Slap]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Kick]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Bite]] ](if:(history: where its name contains "Attack")'s length >= 1)[(replace: ?text)[ [[Slap->Slap2]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Kick->Kick2]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Bite->Bite2]] ]]

What will you use? [[Fast Screwdriver->screwdriverneighborfight]] [[Blade->bladeneighborfight]]

You dig a hole underneath of the ground and get away safely. [[street]]

You can't use that right now. [[okay->Item]]

You use Blade to maim your neighbor! //It's super effective!// [[continue->fight2]]

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: +++++ Cranny attacks Neighbor with Blade! |text2>[ ] (live: 3s)[(replace: ?text2)[//Neighbor faints!//] (stop:)] (after:3s)[ [[Loot Neighbor]] [[Go back to street->street]]] =|= Neighbor:

You dig around in your neighbor's pockets. You found a key! [[take key]]

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++|text>[+] (live: 3s)[(replace: ?text)[ ] (stop:)] Cranny slaps Neighbor! //it hurts him.// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny hit!// [[Attack]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: ++++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++|text>[+] (live: 3s)[(replace: ?text)[ ] (stop:)] Cranny kicks Neighbor! //right in the gonads!// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny hit!// [[Attack]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: ++++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++|text>[+] (live: 3s)[(replace: ?text)[ ] (stop:)] Cranny bites Neighbor! //tastes like anything!// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny hit!// [[Attack]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: ++++

Yeah that's true, I guess. [[street]]

Best not to go back that way again... You keep walking down the street and strutting your stuff like a baller... Up ahead you start to make out what appears to be a floating orb above a sewer drain. [[Squint]]

You grab a key from inside of your neighbor's shorts. It's in your pocket, then. [[street]]

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny slaps Neighbor! //What is this the oscars jk// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny dodges the attack like a boss!// [[Attack->Attack2]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: +++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny kicks Neighbor! //Cranny Kick!// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny dodges the attack like a boss!// [[Attack->Attack2]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: +++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny bites Neighbor! //Alright...// ... (after:3s)[Neighbor fires his rifle at Cranny! //Cranny dodges the attack like a boss!// [[Attack->Attack2]][|][[Item]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Flee]]] =|= Neighbor: +++

What will you do? [[Slap->Slap3]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Kick->Kick3]](text-style:"bold")[|][[Bite->Bite3]]

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny tries to slap Neighbor! ... (after:3s)[Neighbor runs away! [[street]] ] =|= Neighbor: +++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny tries to kick Neighbor! ... (after:3s)[Neighbor runs away! [[street]] ] =|= Neighbor: +++

(text-style:"smear","expand")[Cranny vs Neighbor] =|= Cranny: ++++ Cranny tries to bite Neighbor! ... (after:3s)[Neighbor runs away! [[street]] ] =|= Neighbor: +++

You squint your eyes and realize it's not an orb but a balloon! and there's writing on it! It's a Cranny Cola balloon! You run up to the sewer to get a closer look. There's a clown down there. [[Talk to the clown]]

''Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown:'' Psst! Down here! In the sewer! Yeah, I like to come down here to relax sometimes and forget my troubles. I know it's a little weird, but that's just who I am. I would hope you wouldn't judge me for that sort of thing. But then again, they all do in the end... [[I won't judge you]] [[Ew weird freak!]]

''Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown:'' Ah gee, thanks kid. And hey, I won't eat you. So what do you say, come join me down here in the disgusting sewers? I've got Cranny Cola... [[Yes I will climb down now]] [[I think I just heard my cousin Hugo calling for me! I better go now!]]

Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown's eyes glow a devlish red. He reaches his long clown arms out of the sewer and grabs you. [[Try to run]] [[Succumb]]

You're trusting a clown in the sewer. Yeahhh so you climb into the sewer then... [[Sewer]]

Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown's eyes glow a devlish red. He reaches his long clown arms out of the sewer and grabs you. [[Try to run]] [[Succumb]]

It's no use! The clown pulls you under. [[Sewer]]

Alright... Bit of an odd choice. Do you know how to play games? You die. [[Game Over->Game Over2]]

Sewer You stand at the intersection of three paths, and also knee-deep in gunk. To your left is a tunnel covered in graffiti. Cool! Straight ahead is Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown. He wants to eat you. To your right is a bright light at the end of a long tunnel. |text>[ [[Graffiti]]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Next1")'s length >= 1)[(replace: ?text)[ [[Creepy Boys->Next1]]] (stop:)] [[Pennywise]] |text2>[ [[Bright Light]]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Sewerdoor")'s length >= 1)[(replace: ?text2)[ [[Saintly Bunch]]] (stop:)]

(text-style:"smear","expand","tall","rumble")[Game Over] Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown eats you alive and washes you down with a Cranny Cola. Guess you got your cola in the end didn't you? [[Try not to fuck it up this time->Ew weird freak!]]

Yeah! Graffiti is awesome! Hey, someone left a bunch of spray cans over here. You should tag something quick! [[Red Paint]] [[Blue Paint]] [[Green Paint]] [[Back->Sewer]]

|text>[The evil clown in the sewer is waiting to devour you... Sooo you think going that way is a good idea? [[Sewer]] (if:(history: where its name contains "life")'s length >= 1)[ [[Hey why not now that I have an extra life!]]] ](if:(history: where its name contains "Lose a life")'s length >= 1)[(replace: ?text)[ You already lost a life to the clown. Let's just not go this way anymore. [[Sewer]] ] (stop:)]

You go towards the light. You can hear a beautiful chorus of angels up ahead... The further you go down this tunnel the more narrow it gets. How do you proceed? [[Keep going]] [[Back->Sewer]]

Yeah, don't think this is going to work. [[Back->Field]]

You left that in the garage, remember? [[Back->Field]]

You don't know too much about how watches work, but you're pretty sure they use magic crystals. This gem is pretty close to that! Hey, it might work. Alright, let's get to work: [[disassemble watch]]

Well, you fucked up somewhere. Let me send you back in time. [[Garage]]

You take apart the watch and lay out all the pieces on the ground in front of you: [[Inspect Band->Band]] [[Inspect Face->Face]] [[Inspect Priceless Gem->gem]] [[Inspect Cog 1->Cog 1]] [[Inspect Cog 2->Cog 2]] [[Inspect Dial->Dial]] [[Inspect Minute Hand->Minute Hand]] [[Inspect Hour Hand->Hour Hand]] ''Take what first?'' [[Take Band->takeband]] [[Take Face->takeface]] [[Take Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Take Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Take Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Take Dial->takedial]] [[Take Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Take Hour Hand->takehourhand]]

My favorite band is The Beatles. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

The Face is the first thing you see when looking at a watch. It's the foundation of the machine. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

Oooh ahhh. It looks so good you almost ate it. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

This cog has 6 teeth. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

Telling time is one of the seven deadly sins. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

The dial goes on the side of the watch. It's pretty much just for fidgeting with your fingers. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

Every second adds up to a Minute. [[Back->disassemble watch]]

If you remember correctly, seconds become minutes, minutes become hours! [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the band. What next? [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the watch face. Hmm, yeah! This seems like a good place to start. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand2]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the priceless gem. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take cog 1. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take cog 2. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the dial. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the minute hand What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You take the hour hand. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You attach the Minute Hand to the face! You can sort of see how this will become a watch. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand2]]

Yes! You attach the Hour Hand to the Minute Hand. What next? [[Band->takeband2]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You wrap the Band around your fragile little wrist and attach it to the watch. Alright, it's starting to come together... What next? [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Dial->takedial2]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You put the little dial on the side of the watch for whatever reason. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 1->takecog12]] [[Cog 2->takecog2]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

You put the little cog 1 inside the watch. It's like a tiny machine in there. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem]] [[Cog 2->takecog22]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

Yeah that one was pretty obvious. What next? [[Band->takeband]] [[Face->takeface]] [[Priceless Gem->takegem2]] [[Cog 1->takecog1]] [[Dial->takedial]] [[Minute Hand->takeminutehand]] [[Hour Hand->takehourhand]] [[Back->disassemble watch]]

Finally! You insert the Priceless Gem. Suddenly your watch begins to glow and the hands spin faster than ever before! The wind is picking up in the field! Here comes a nasty storm... Rain begins to pour so hard you can't see more than 2 feet in front of your own face. You run through the field, not knowing which direction to turn! (text-style:"shudder")[Thud!] You trip over a rock and fall to the ground, breaking your watch. Great, looks like we're going to have to put it back together! [[disassemble watch->jk]]

jk. That old thing is toast. Who cares... Well, that fall was more nasty than you thought. Your head is hurting something fierce! (text-style:"blurrier")[Your vision starts to get all fuzzy and the next thing you know...] [[You pass out cold]]

You slowly come to and realize the rain water must have washed your body into the middle of the street. Standing up, you glance down the road. Up ahead you can sort of make out what appears to be a floating orb above a sewer drain. [[Squint]]

I _________, hereby grant __________ permission to play Cranny XXX-treme Difficulty Mode on Cranny Quest: In Search of Cola. I recognize that players of this mode may be subjected to the following: Drugs Violence Bad Language Pornography Witchcraft Wizardry Satantic Rituals Insects Death Weird Men Curses Crime Love Sex Robots Humour Canada Evilness Ghosts in the Machine Funny Noises Scary Zombie... Wonderful Images Insane Shit Crazy Love Moon Lore Wrong Alphabet Small Text Gateway to another realm By signing here you acknowledge this form as legally binding: (input-box:"X=",1) [[Enter]] [[No, take me to Classic Mode!->Classic Cranny]]

(text-style:"bold","shadow","expand","tall","shudder")[Let the game begin....] [[Play->False Start]]

(text-style:"shadow","expand","tall")[Fuck Quest: In Search of Ass] Welcome to Fuck Quest Mother Fucker! You are Fucky Boy. A Dumbfuck and Bitchass boy whomst upon awakening discovers an incredible thirst... And there's no Fucked Up Cola. Embark on a thrilling adventure in search of the One Ass to Rule All of Them. [[1 Player->1playerfalse]] [[2 Players]] [[Settings]] [[Credits]] (text-style:"subscript","flat")[Fuck Quest is a registered trademark of Moon Planet Eviltainment] (text-style:"smear","buoy")[MOON PLANET EVILTAINMENT]

And I was just kidding around about that by the way there's only the one mode. I'm sorry if I offended anyone by that I know it was kind of messed up of me to do that.... Well I hope you enjoy my game anyway... [[Play->1 Player]]

You are playing on Any Difficulty. [[Play->Untitled Passage 1]]

Red has a range of symbolic meanings through many different cultures, including life, health, vigor, war, courage, anger, love and religious fervor. The common thread is that all these require passion. Tag what? [[Mushroom]] [[Cock]] [[Angel]]

The color blue represents both the sky and the sea and is associated with open spaces, freedom, intuition, imagination, inspiration, and sensitivity. Blue also represents meanings of depth, trust, loyalty, sincerity, wisdom, confidence, stability, faith, and intelligence. Tag what? [[Mushroom]] [[Cock]] [[Angel]]

For many people, the color green has strong associations with nature and brings to mind lush grass, trees, and forests. Green is often described as a refreshing and tranquil color. Other common associations with the color green are money, luck, health, and envy. Tag what? [[Mushroom]] [[Cock]] [[Angel]]

(if:(history: where its name contains "Green Paint")'s length >= 1)[//Awesome! Spray painting a green mushroom means that you are one with nature. You gain an extra [[life]]!//] That was awesome! Just as you finish your art, you hear footsteps coming down the tunnel... [[Next->Next1]]

(if:(history: where its name contains "Red Paint")'s length >= 1)[//Hell yeah. A red cock means you're passionate and courageous. You gained an extra [[life]]!//] That was awesome! Just as you finish your art, you hear footsteps coming down the tunnel... [[Next->Next1]]

(if:(history: where its name contains "Blue Paint")'s length is 1)[//Okay, yeah. An angel is pretty cool I guess... Painting it blue probably means you're wise beyond your years or something to that effect. You gain an extra [[life]]!//] That was awesome! Just as you finish your art, you hear footsteps coming down the tunnel... [[Next->Next1]]

Oh no! It's the Creepy Boys! They love to hangout down in the sewers when they aren't out lurking the streets and sniffing car doors. They saw you tagging over their graffiti and they're pissed off beyond belief... What'll you end up doing? [[Confront]] [[Back->Sewer]]

You got an extra life for whatever reason! Not everything needs to make perfect sense. [[Next->Next1]]

You confront the Creepy Boys in the sewer and tell them they're creepier than hell. To your surprise, they don't want to harm you! They actually think what you spray painted was pretty badass and they want you to join their little gang! What do you do in this situation? [[Say you'll join]] [[Politely decline their offer]]

Pennywise the Dumbfuck Clown devours you whole. [[Lose a life]]

You lose your extra life. Welp. [[Sewer]]

The bright light draws you in as you move ever nearer... The angelic chorus of voices beckons you. The tunnel narrows still. [[Keep going->keep going]] [[Back->Sewer]]

The light is so bright it's burning hot. The chorus sings: (text-style:"bold","expand","tall","sway")+(text-colour:white)[Cranny Boy] You can barely squeeze your small body into the tunnel now it's so narrow. [[Keep going->keepgoing]]

(text-style:"subscript")[The tunnel is so narrow you can no longer use your arms, instead you shove yourself forward using your feet. The chorus is so loud now. You see nothing but white hot light. Just a little further...] [[Push]]

(text-style:"subscript")[You squeeze your little body to the end of the tunnel.] At last it opens to a room! It's just a regular ass room. You recognize the group in front of you as The Saintly Bunch. A group of church freaks from your town who go around always leaving little pamphlets everywhere and trying to get you to worship their God and whatever the hell else. Have you accepted Jesus as your lord and savior? [[Yes]] [[Prefer not to answer]]

''The Saintly Bunch (in unison):'' Oh Cranny Boy, we are so happy to hear that, because we need your help getting into Heaven. [[I'm listening...]]

They're not going to let this go, better just say yes then. [[Yes]]

''The Saintly Bunch (in unison):''You see, according to our calculations, there is only one of two ways to get into Heaven. Of course, dying is the easy route... But there is another way that would not involve dying... which we think you are uniquely qualified to help with... We need to build a machine to open a portal to Heaven. Please say you'll help us... You know there's Cranny Cola in Heaven... [[Alright I'm in]] [[I need to think about it->Sewerdoor]]

If there's anyone knows how to build a large machine, it's you! But there's something off about these freaks. Maybe there's a way to trick them and get the H. E. Double Hockey Sticks the hell out of here! [[Hmm... Hell you say?]]

There's a door that leads back to the sewers. It looks like you have a choice here. Either help out the Saintly Bunch or go confront the Creepy Boys. [[Sewer]]

(text-style:"shadow","expand","tall")[Cranny Quest: In Search of Cola] (text-style:"smear","expand","blink")[Diet Cran Mode] Welcome to Cranny Quest! You are Cranny Boy. A valiant and noble boy whomst upon awakening discovers an incredible thirst... And there's no Cranny Cola. Embark on a thrilling adventure in search of the One Cola to Rule All of Them. [[1 Player->diet]] [[2 Players]] [[Settings]] [[Credits]] (text-style:"subscript","flat")[Cranny Quest is a registered trademark of Moon Planet Entertainment] (text-style:"smear","buoy")[MOON PLANET ENTERTAINMENT]

(text-style:"smear","expand","blink")[Diet Cran Mode] You wake up from a long nap feeling groggy as hell... You vaguely remember dreaming about some kind of weird creature made of sand that crawled up into your mouth. Ack! You need something to drink! [[Look around the room->lookdiet]]

You find a Cranny Cola! [[Drink it]] [[Keep standing there]]

You drink the Cranny Cola and it quenches your thirst! (text-style:"expand","tall","rumble")[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN!] [[Play Again?->Untitled Passage 1]]

You keep standing there. [[Back->lookdiet]]

The Creepy Boys are thrilled to have you as one of their gang! They rub their disgusting palms together and lick their cracked, discolored lips. ''Creepy Boys:'' So, you'd like to join our gang, eh? That's great news! You'll be sniffing car doors in no time, kid! But first... we gotta know if we can trust you. It's time for your initiation.. [[O...okay]]

You decline the Creepy Boys' offer to join in their gang. Well, they're pretty hurt by this and they're upset about the graffiti stuff again now, too. They chase after your ass. [[Fight->fightcreepyboys]] [[Run]]

You start booking it down the narrow sewer tunnels. You turn left! Then you turn right! The Creepy Boys stay hot on your trail. There's no slowing down! You keep running and running until... A fork in the tunnel. Pick it up? Just kidding, [[Left->leftsewer]] [[Right->rightsewer]]

There's like 3 of them. You'll never be able to take on all of them yourself. Probably best to just run... [[I want to fight]] [[Run]]

Okayy... So, you try to fight the Creepy Boys, but like I was saying there are 3 of them so they dominate you pretty quickly. You barely got in a punch before they started pummeling your ass into next week. [[Next Week]]

(text-style:"fade-in-out")[Cranny Boy?] (after:3s)+(text-style:"fade-in-out")[Cranny Boy, wake up!] (after:6s)[Cranny Boy, it's the next week now. It's me, your cousin Hugo. You got pummeled in the sewers by a gang called the Creepy Boys. No one knows how you got down there! I was passed out in my room when it happened.] (after:16s)[I got us some Cranny Cola's. Everything is going to be okay!] (after:21s)[ [[Rub your eyes]] ]

Ah crap. It was only a dream! You're back in the sewers and the Creepy Boys are standing over you ready to beat the snot out of you again. Better run this time. [[Run]]

You take the left tunnel. Oh no! Straight ahead is a gigantic alligator. Who knew those things actually hung out in sewers like that? And the Creepy Boys are gaining on you. [[Dive into the gator's mouth]] [[Turn around and fight]]

You take the right tunnel. It looks like it goes on for quite a while! What's that? Down on the ground you notice a little sparkle... It's a diamond ring! Grab it? [[Yeah]] [[No]]

You dive straight into the gator's mouth! Hey, it's kind of cozy in here! You could get used to this! The Creepy Boys round the corner. They see the giant gator and scram. Looks like you got rid of them! Now what? [[Keep chilling inside of the gator]] [[Let's get out of the sewers]]

Yeah unfortunately this isn't a video game. This is real life, and you just can't beat them. The Creepy Boys kick your ass and feed you to the gator. [[Game Over->gameover3]]

Refresh your browser to play again. [[Just kidding, just click here->Confront]]

Ahhh. You throw your hands behind your head, kick your feet up on one of the gator's teeth and just chillaxe. This is the life! [[Grab something to drink]]

Look there, just up ahead! Is that... It is! The Buy n' Buy Stationstore!!! You lick your chops. You can practically taste that sweet, delicious, crisp and refreshing beverage known as C-Cola (to some; most know it as Cranny Cola). Well, what are you waiting for? [[Go to the store]] [[Actually, I changed my mind I don't really want cola anymore]]

Oh yeah, that's right... You're thirstier than hell and you need that Cranny Cola. Sorry, but you can't stay in this alligator's mouth forever. [[Let's get out of the sewers]]

You reach out your tiny hands and grab the ring from the disgusting, slimy sewer floor. You slide the ring onto your frail finger... It was a ring of invisibility! Your whole body goes translucent. The Creepy Boys run right past you into the infinite black void never to be seen or heard from ever again... [[Let's get out of the sewers]]

The Creepy Boys catch up to you and kick your scrawny ass. Looks like you lose. [[Game Over->gameover3]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Let's get outta these sewers, shall'n't we? [[Yes->outofsewer]] [[I changed my mind]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Alriiight. So, now that we're out of those sewers. Let's wreak havoc on unsuspecting townsfolk. First thing we want you to do is peep into someone's window. [[What do I look like, a Peeping Tom!]] [[I'll do anything to join your gang, including that]] [[Back out]]

''Creepy Boys:'' It's too late for that, kid! [[Continue->outofsewer]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Yes! [[Peek into the neighbor's window]] [[I don't agree with this]] [[Back out]]

You peek into the neighbor's window. You see the TV is on. They're watching The Two People, a film about two people. [[Report your findings]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Well you're a Creepy Boy now, kid! This is the kind of shit we get into on a regular basis. So I suggest you start peeping! [[Peep->Peek into the neighbor's window]] [[Peep but secretly keep your eyes closed the whole time]] [[Back out]]

You pretend to peek into the neighbor's window, but you keep your eyes closed the whole time. [[Report your findings]]

''Creepy Boys:'' What did you see? [[The neighbor was dancing in the living room to smooth jazz]] [[The neighbor was smooching a mannequin]] [[The neighbor was watching a movie called The Two People]] [[The neighbor was cloning themselves using some kind of homemade machine]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Smooth jazz, eh? Don't you think we woulda heard it? You're lying through your pointy teeth! [[Back->Report your findings]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Huh, yeah... That's what we thought! What did the mannequin look like? [[It looked like a guy]] [[It looked like a girl]]

''Creepy Boys:'' One of the best films ever made! That neighbor has taste. Hey, Cranny Boy... What do ya say we go to the cinema right now? We'd love to catch a flick! [[Okay!]] [[Not right now->Let's get out of the sewers]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Well we gotta get our hands on that machine! Imagine what we could do if we could clone ourselves! [[I was lying!]]

''Creepy Boys:'' A guy, eh? That ain't very descriptive of you! We know you're lying through your pointy teeth! [[Back->Report your findings]]

''Creepy Boys:'' A girl, eh? That ain't very descriptive of you! We know you're lying through your pointy teeth! [[Back->Report your findings]]

(text-style:"tall","sway")[Welcome to The Cranamo Drafthouse!] (text-style:"tall","sway")[The Ultimate Cinema Experience!] (text-style:"blink")[Movies Showing:] [[The Two People]] [[Crazy Movie->crazymovie]] [[Incredible Man v. Gunhead]] (text-style:"blink")[Concessions:] [[Large Popcorn]] [[Large Cranny Cola]] [[Black Licorice]] --- [[Outside->Let's get out of the sewers]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Alright, let's get to it then... [[Peek into the neighbor's window]] [[I don't agree with this]] [[Back out]]

''Creepy Boys:'' Lying, eh? Through your pointy teeth! [[Back->Report your findings]]

The Two People is a film about two people. INT. COFFEE SHOP - MID MORNING PERSON 1 Hello PERSON 2 Hello [[Is this movie ever going to start picking up? You're just going to rest your eyes for a second...->restyoureyes2]]

Crazy Movie is the blockbuster flick of the summer! Bursting at the seams with non-stop action! Insane Jackass is Hero Hot, a badass CIA operative who must save the world from crazy fuckers... But everything changes when he meets Darling Delite... Could true love be Hero Hot's only weakness? INT. BANK - MORNING A bankteller is counting money when a MASKED CRIMINAL approaches the counter. MASKED CRIMINAL Give me all your money! The bankteller screams and throws all the money into the air. Masked Criminal raises his arm with pistol in hand. A shot fires and a bullet bursts through a one hundred dollar bill as it flutters through the air. As the camera pans down, we see that the bankteller is unharmed. Instead, it is the Masked Criminal who has been shot and falls to the ground. Standing behind him with his gun pointed outwards is HERO HOT, a badass CIA operative. HERO HOT Keep the change... Everyone in the bank claps for Hero Hot. He has saved the day. INT. HERO HOT'S CONDO - NIGHT Hero Hot is getting ready to settle down for the evening. His spacious condo with large windows overlooks a sprawling metropolis. He removes his shirt to reveal his toned abs and sits on his bedside. He puts his face in his hands and sighs, then looks over at the photo on his nightstand. It is a photo of Hero Hot and his young daughter. INT. BANK - FLASHBACK Hero Hot and his daughter walk up to the bankteller, the same from before. HERO HOT She wants to open up her very first bank account. DAUGHTER I got ten dollars from the tooth fairy! BANKTELLER Oh, that's so nice sweetie! I would have given you one hundred dollars. She winks. Hero Hot's daughter is surprised by this statement, and looks up at Hero Hot. HERO HOT Yeah, well you're not the tooth fairy, are you? BANKTELLER No, but I do collect teeth! Do you want to see? DAUGHTER Yeah! The bankteller opens one of the drawers in her desk, and begins to take something out when Hero Hot interjects. HERO HOT That won't be necessary. Just then a voice can be heard yelling from the lobby, and a gunshot sound rings out. Hero Hot looks back towards the lobby, and then to his daughter. All the color leaves his face as he stares in horror at his daughter laying on the ground. INT. HERO HOT'S CONDO - CONT'D Hero Hot picks up the photo of him and his daughter and sobs. Suddenly he hears the sound of broken glass from the other room. He leaps from his bed and out into the hallway. [[Is this movie ever going to start picking up? You're just going to rest your eyes for a second...]]

[[Incredible Man]] v. Gunhead One of them is the most powerful being in the universe, the other has a gun on his head... It's been nearly two years since Incredible Man's colossal battle with TV Boy and Radio devastated Moon Planet. The loss of life and collateral damage left many feeling angry and helpless, including crime-fighting vigilante Gunhead. Convinced that Incredible Man is now a threat to humanity, Gunhead embarks on a personal vendetta to end his reign on Moon Planet, while the conniving Bozo the Clown launches his own crusade against the Incredible Man. Just as you sit down, a strange man with green hair enters the theater acting erratically. Crap, he sits down right next to you. He turns to you and says, "Why are you being serious?" Better just get outta here! We can just catch this one on HBO CRAN [[Alright->Okay!]]

I've got some corn for popping! Add butter? [[Butter me up!]] [[No, thanks]]

We're very sorry our Cranny Machine is down for scheduled maintenance. Please accept this coupon for 12% off your next purchase of a Cranny Cola Beverage!^^*^^ [[Back->Okay!]] ^^*Offer only valid at participating retailers. Must not be used with any other coupons or offers. Can only be used with regular Cranny Cola 4oz cans.^^

Mmm! Black Licorice is the best movie-going snack around! Now with even more glycyrrhizin! [[Back->Okay!]]

Your mouth waters as golden liquid oozes atop mountains of highlighter yellow popcorn. The paper bucket droops, soggy with grease. Mmm! [[Back->Okay!]]

One bucket of fresh hot corn, popped! [[Back->Okay!]]

You decide the Creepy Boys are too damn creepy for your liking... The Creepy Boys aren't happy with you. They bludgeon you to death. [[Game Over->gameover4]]

Oh no, you died. [[Click here to go back in time->Next1]]

Ah crap, you fell asleep and missed the entire movie! It looks like things ended up fine for the protagonist in the end anyway... You should give the film a rating online to show everyone you know your stuff! [[Cranboxd.com]]

What do you rate Crazy Movie? [[1 Star->â˜†]] [[2 Stars->â˜†â˜†]] [[3 Stars->â˜†â˜†â˜†]] [[4 Stars->â˜†â˜†â˜†â˜†]] [[5 Stars->â˜†â˜†â˜†â˜†â˜†]]

"My ass almost fell asleep in the theater! Talk about a snoozefest! Thank you, next!" [[Back->Okay!]]

"Insane Jackass almost redeemed himself when he took of his shirt revealing his torso, but the plot was a total stinker. Not adding this to my rewatch list anytime soon! Change my mind..." [[Back->Okay!]]

"Not great, but not terrible! Middle of the road for me, which if you've been following me for a while you know is not common. I generally love or hate movies. This one was just okay. And that's fine! Movies can be just okay. Am I going to rush out and buy another ticket? Probably not... Would I maybe put it on again while I'm sitting at home on a rainy day? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'm growing bored of the whole cinema experience. Maybe humanity has evolved past the need for movies..." [[Back->Okay!]]

"Darling Delite served cunt!" [[Back->Okay!]]

"HO - LEE - SHIT! A+++++ Hollywood is fucking back with a vengeance baby!! I'm sweating writing this. I - how is this possible? How did this shit get made? Who signed off on this script I'm literally in fucking tears right now. I can't believe what I've just viewed with mine own eyes. I'm bawling. I'm deceased. I need a Cranny Cola with extra GIN. I'm hot. I think I'm having a heart attack. I think I'm actually dying. Please if you're reading this it might be too late for me. Please send someone" [[Back->Okay!]]

What do you rate The Two People? [[1 Star->star]] [[2 Stars->2star]] [[3 Stars->3star]] [[4 Stars->4star]] [[5 Stars->5star]]

"Not enough people in the film." [[Back->Okay!]]

"One star for each person that appears in the film..." [[Back->Okay!]]

"No words." [[Back->Okay!]]

"Yep. That was almost the perfect amount of people in the film!" [[Back->Okay!]]

"The Two People is a film about so much more than two people. It's about love and loss and longing and most of all it's a film about the human condition. It's about just sharing this life with another individual and how hard that can be at times, but so so rewarding in the end. I'm not ashamed to admit I ugly cried. There will always be two people." [[Back->Okay!]]

Buy my comic book! moonplanet.bigcartel.com [[Back->Incredible Man v. Gunhead]]

That's it! You can pretend to build a portal to Heaven, but actually build one to Hell! Alright, well better get started then. [[Let's get started then]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Fast Screwdriver")'s length >= 1)[[Use Fast Screwdriver to speed things up!]]

Whoa whoa whoa!!!! You build the portal 10% faster than you normally would have without the Fast Screwdriver! The Saintly Bunch are amazed at your progress, [[They jump right in!]]

You've built plenty of large machines before, this should be a sinch. Just start putting things together, don't think too hard. [[Attach gear thing to lever thing]] [[Connect hose to big vat thing]] [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal]]

See ya suckers! [[Close the portal]]

Alright, well you sent a bunch of religious nutjobs to the fiery pits of Hell with relative ease! Nice work! You could head to the store now and finish up the quest, or you could stop and catch a flick. The choice is yours. [[To the store->Let's get out of the sewers]] [[Catch a flick->Okay!]]

Right! Gear things and lever things usually go together, and look! It's starting to move! [[Connect hose to big vat thing->Connect hose to big vat thing2]] [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->Generate a thousand watts of electricity2]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->Use big magnet to move big metal2]]

I'm sure something will go through that hose and either into or out of the vat! Good thinking! [[Attach gear thing to lever thing->A2]] [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->G2]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->U2]]

That seems like jus the right amount of electricity! [[Connect hose to big vat thing->Connect hose to big vat thing2]] [[Attach gear thing to lever thing->Attach gear thing to lever thing2]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->Use big magnet to move big metal2]]

[[Uhhh]]

I'm sure something will go through that hose and either into or out of the vat! Good thinking! [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->Generate a thousand watts of electricity3]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->Use big magnet to move big metal3]]

[[Uhhh]]

Yes! [[Try another idea->Generate a thousand watts of electricity3]]

That seems like jus the right amount of electricity! [[Use big magnet to move big metal->Use big magnet to move big metal4]]

We needed a way to move the big metal. Smart use of big magnets! [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->Generate a thousand watts of electricity4]]

[[Uhhh]]

Right! Gear things and lever things usually go together, and look! It's starting to move! [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->G3]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->U3]]

That seems like jus the right amount of electricity! [[Attach gear thing to lever thing->A3]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->U3]]

We needed a way to move the big metal. Smart use of big magnets! [[Attach gear thing to lever thing->A3]] [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->G3]]

That seems like jus the right amount of electricity! [[Uhhh]]

Yeah sure [[Uhhh]]

[[Uhhh]]

Crap let's start that over [[Let's get started then->getstarted2]]

You've built plenty of large machines before, this should be a sinch. Just start putting things together, don't think too hard. [[Attach gear thing to lever thing->wallah]] [[Connect hose to big vat thing->wallah]] [[Generate a thousand watts of electricity->wallah]] [[Use big magnet to move big metal->wallah]]

Wallah! You did it I guess! Good job... The Saintly Bunch are amazed at your progress, [[They jump right in!]]

[[Uhhh]]

(text-style:"tall","sway")[Buy N' Buy Stationstore] You finally made it. The Holy Land. Where the cola flows like rivers, and chips and hotdogs and little debbie snack cakes are there too. You see before you a sign that reads: "''Cranny Cola Inside''." You pause for a second to take it all in. The sickly sweet scent of gasoline almost overwhelms you. It makes you a little lightheaded whoa whoaaa. In the parking lot theres a group of teens hanging out and smoking cigarettes, taking selfies, and one of them is doing kickflips on a skateboard. Ah, to be young again... Well, go on then. Swing open those doors and let's get that cola! [[Pull door]] [[Push door]]

(text-style:"smear","expand","tall","rumble")[Game Over] You didn't get the cola. [[Try that again?->Let's get out of the sewers]]

Ope. Think this ones actually a push door. [[Push door->pushed]]

Ope. Think this ones actually a pull door. [[Pull door->pulled]]

Erm. This is awkward. It appears this door is locked. Now that you think about it, it's a little weird that all the lights in the building are off and nobody seems to be insde. They must be closed? Do what? [[Try the other door]] [[Wiggle the door really hard]] (if:(history: where its name contains "take key")'s length >= 1)[[Use this key!]]

Okay, it really doesn't seem like they're open but you can go ahead and try that. [[Push door->push2]] [[Pull door->Pull2]]

You use all your might to try and wiggle the door open, but to no avail. Crap! Just then, those teenagers in the parking lot roll up on their skateboards. They must have heard the ruckus. ''The Alpha Teenager'': Hey freak, can't you see the place is closed? [[I'm not a freak, I'm a very nice boy]] [[I'm going to get a Cranny Cola if it's the last thing I do...]]

What do you know! The key you found in your neighbor's pocket opened the door to the Buy n' Buy Stationstore! Hey, stranger things have happened... Well, go on in player! [[okay I will]]

You're inside the store. Chips and beef jerky and cola as far as the eye can see! But you gotta keep your eyes on the prize here... the Cranny Cola. There it is in the cooler! [[Grab one]]

You grab a can of Cranny Cola and crack it open. It's like music to your little ears. Tiny bubbles pop and fizz at your fingertips. Go on then... [[Gulp it]]

(text-style:"smear","expand","tall")[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!] That crisp, refreshing taste hits your lips and the whole wide world just falls to the wayside. All your problems seem to melt away if only for that one blissful second as the fizzing liquid glides across your tasting-buds and down your throat hole. Yeah, this is what life is all about. ''Congratulations!'' Now let's get back home and share some cola with that big metal lunkhead, Cousin Hugo. [[Back Home->1 Playerfakeout]]

(text-style:"expand","tall","blink")[Wake Up] (after:5s)[You wake up and realize it was all but a dream... but you're still feeling thirstier than hell. Ack! You need something to drink! [[Go to the store and get a Cranny Cola]]]

Before leaving, you ask your cousin Hugo if he wants anything from the store. He tells you he wouldn't mind a Cranny Cola. You go to the garage and open the door before heading out in the hovercraft. You honk as you pass by your neighbor waving from his front lawn, "see ya sucker!" you shout. When you get to the store, you grab two Cranny Colas and head straight to the counter. The cashier rings them up and then asks: [[Do you have a coupon code to use today?]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "Please enter coupon code:", "IN ALL CAPS")) (if: $riddleair is "GOODCRAN")[ Congratulations! You receive one free Cranny Cola! (text-style:"tall","sway")[YOU WIN THE GAME] You still have to pay for the other one. ] (else:)[ Sorry, that is not a valid coupon code. (text-style:"tall","sway")[You still win the game but you have to pay for both colas] ]

Yeah, it didn't push. You going to try to pull it? [[Try pulling it->Pull2]] [[Try wiggling the door really hard->Wiggle the door really hard]]

Yeah, it didn't pull.. You going to try to push it? [[Try pushing it->push2]] [[Try wiggling the door really hard->Wiggle the door really hard]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Riiiight and I'm freakin' Mr. Beast or whoever the hell else is a famous guy to teenagers nowadays. You look like a freak to us! [[Threaten to call their mothers]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Wake up")'s length >= 1)[[Attack->attack]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Well, well, well. If it's Cranny Cola you want, all you had to do was ask us. We got two cans of the stuff right here! [[Can I have them]] [[You don't know the day I've had...]]

You remember that spider that crawled up into your nose earlier and launch it out of there with one hard blow! It lands right on the alpha teenager's face and he starts freaking out and screaming and crying. They run away! But look, what's this? They left a pack of Cranny Cola sitting on the ground! And theres still two left! [[Grab one]]

You threaten to call their mothers. They do the sticking out their tongues thing at you and mock you for even suggesting such a thing... It turns out they're all from pretty well-to-do families. They're not going to get in trouble for anything! [[Well, there's not much you can do now.->Wiggle the door really hard]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Yes. [[Grab one->grabone]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Mister, we're a bunch of teenagers in a parking lot... You think we care about YOUR day? If you want this cola, you're going to have to give us something in return! [[I don't have anything!]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)[[Barter]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Wake up")'s length >= 1)[[Attack->attack]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Not so fast! Did you really think a bunch of teenagers would be that easygoing/agreeable? Hell no! If you want this cola, then you're going to have to beat me in a game of SKATE. [[Gleam the cube]] [[Threaten to call their mothers]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)[[Barter]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Wake up")'s length >= 1)[[Attack->attack]]

The teenager has challenged you to a game of SKATE! First, let's pick your gear! Which deck graphic do you choose: [[Cool eyeball monster]] [[An image of Pippi Longstocking]] [[Green flames]]

You offer the Rocket Boots you grabbed from the garage... (after:3s)[''The Alpha Teenager'': Alright! Rocket Boots! He tosses you the Cranny Cola and then puts on the boots.] (after:6s)[He turns the boots on and [[...]]]

''The Alpha Teenager'': Well then, you should have grabbed everything from your garage before you left! Now suffer the consequences! [[I'm a damn fool...]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Rocket Boots")'s length >= 1)[[Oh yeah I grabbed these->Barter]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Wake up")'s length >= 1)[[Attack->attack]]

(text-style:"outline","expand","tall","rumble")[WHOOOSH] (after:3s)[The teenager goes flying into the air and then straight back down, directly into the dumpster behind the Buy n' Buy! His friends run to his aide. [[Might as well grab a cola->Grab one]]]

(text-style:"smear","expand","tall","rumble")[Game Over] You, uhh, you messed up unfortunately. [[I don't know where to send you back to, let's just say riiiiight here->Let's get out of the sewers]]

Cool! Now pick your shoe brand: [[Crans: Off the Wall]] [[Crannies]] [[Nike CB's]]

Quirky! Now pick your shoe brand: [[Crans: Off the Wall]] [[Crannies]] [[Nike CB's]]

Epic! Now pick your shoe brand: [[Crans: Off the Wall]] [[Crannies]] [[Nike CB's]]

Classic. Okay, last but not least what about the griptape? [[Classic black]] [[Doodle a little cockeyed face with pointy teeth->Classic black]] [[Pink->Classic black]]

Neat. Okay, last but not least what about the griptape? [[Classic black]] [[Doodle a little cockeyed face with pointy teeth->Classic black]] [[Pink->Classic black]][[Classic black]]

Sporty. Okay, last but not least what about the griptape? [[Classic black]] [[Doodle a little cockeyed face with pointy teeth->Classic black]] [[Pink->Classic black]]

Sick! You're ready to shred... Simply copy the tricks in the order the teenager does them! [[Let's gooo]]

The first trick the teenager does is a kickflip! [[Copy the trick!]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "What was the trick?", "(all lowercase)")) (if: $riddleair is "kickflip")[ Shred the gnar! [[Next trick]] ] (else:)[ Oof that was sketchy brah... You got a letter. [[Next trick]] ]

He does a Varial Heelflip 180! [[Can you hang?]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "What was the trick?", "(all lowercase)")) (if: $riddleair is "varial heelflip 180")[ Most triumphant! [[Next trick->Nexttrick2]] ] (else:)[ Total carnage bro... You got a letter. [[Next trick->Nexttrick2]] ]

The teenagers are looking impressed! The next trick is a double kickflip impossible 360. [[Let's see it!]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "What was the trick?", "(all lowercase)")) (if: $riddleair is "double kickflip impossible 360")[ Radical! [[Next trick->nexttrick3]] ] (else:)[ Stay in school... You got a letter. [[Next trick->nexttrick3]] ]

Mad respect! The next trick is a chist air to nose manual pop shove it [[Do it up!]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "What was the trick?", "(all lowercase)")) (if: $riddleair is "christ air to nose manual pop shove it")[ Right on little bro! [[Last trick]] ] (else:)[ No way Jose... You got a letter. [[Last trick]] ]

The teenagers can't believe it... You've almost got them beat! And then the cola will be yours. Let's make sure to land this next one... The teenager does a McCran and lands it flawlessly... This will be tough to pull off but you can probably do it... [[Skate or die...]]

(set: $riddleair to (prompt: "What was the trick?", "(all lowercase)")) (if: $riddleair is "mccran")[ Holy living fuck you actually landed that ish! Those teens are not happy. But hey, you got your cola! Go on, [[Grab one]] ] (else:)[ Crud, you fell and broke every single bone in your body. Unfortunately it looks like you may never skateboard again let alone get to gulp down a Cranny Cola. Better luck next time kid.... [[You lose]] ]

You lose. Good day sir. [[Let's go back in time->grabone]]